Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Favorite Kids Theatre Quotes

No exciting stories yet, so I'll give you some shorts:

(1) A girl walks up to the welcome table. Without any prompting for an intro she says to us:

"My name is Callie. I'm a Christian, so this is going to be hard for me."


I work at a children's camp! We cater to child-ren! We're not doing Spring Awakening, Passion, or Hair. We were doing Wizard of Oz. How is this going to be "hard" for you?

(2) There was a boy named Marcus. He was good, I admit. And he knew it. His posse knew it too.

I came back from lunch and the first thing I saw was Marcus turn to his 4 lady followers and say,

"You don't have to tell me I'm pretty. I already know."

(3) A little girl returned for a second week. She was a very innocent sweet girl. I doubt she even knows more than one or two swear words.

She was working on being less inhibited and doing well.

During the cold reading portion of our first-day auditions. She was bold as could be when she read the line, "Shut your trap, you CRAB-ASS!"

The line actually read, "Shut your trap, you crabgrass."

The best part of the story is that we, the five teachers, all looked at each other and EXPLODED in laughter. So professional, right?

(4) And finally, my own proudest moment of the summer . . . ! [cue the trumpets]

I was explaining that everyone's vocal chords are different. Just like our faces have the same parts but still look completely different, so do our vocal chords have similar structure with slight alterations for each person. Of course, it didn't quite come out that way.

"Everyone's vocal chords are different," I began teaching. "even though they contain the same parts. Just like we all have eyes, a nose, and a mouth . . . Well, at least everyone in here has them."

Can you see the stunned faces of 20 teenagers? Frozen in time. So awkward. Finally someone laughed. Of course it wasn't a kid, it was my co-teacher laughing at my GIANT faux-pas. The kids started laughing too and all I could do is turn to the room and say,

"Wow, That's not funny at all, is it?"

I don't think anyone was really offended but I do think they enjoyed the biggest flippant disregard of PC-ness that company has ever seen.


Put it in the books, "Least tasteful human deformity joke--Todd."

Thanks guys. I'll accept this award on behalf of all the one-eyed, no-nosed, mouthless people. Shout out to the faceless!

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