Shortbus Drops off at Dunkin Donuts

I'm pretty sure the Dunkin Donuts I went to this morning recently had a community outreach hiring session. Of the four lovely ladies working only one was . . . well . . . lovely. The poor normal one looked like she had been thrown into a room of rats and was clearly trying her best to stay as far away from the others as possible.


An employee came over to help me and I feared something would fall in my coffee; A hair, something living in her hair, a tooth prehaps? Something was going to fall from her face and surprise me later. Still I put on my brave face and ordered.

I teach children and through text message I had offered my fellow teachers coffee, too. But I couldn't remember what they had ordered.

"I'll have a . . . um . . . Just a sec I need to check the text."

"Tell them to stop texting you."

Nobody was behind me, I wasn't holding up a line. Rude!

"No, I'm checking her order. . . She'll have a peach tea."

"Oh I know her." (Really? Is there only one person getting peach tea these days?!) She continued, "She's pregnant, right?"

I shot her a look. . . I know, rude. But I had to.

"Um, no."

I walked over to the register to wait my turn to pay. The customer in front of me was trying to order a dozen donuts. I wasn't expecting the register lady to be MORE INCOMPETENT than the first employee.

"I'll get six regular glazed, two chocolate egg white--"

"Oh those can't be in a dozen."

"Ok, I'll have two chocolate cake donu--"

"Those don't either."

"Really? Ok, well how about the maple bars."

"Sorry not those either."

"Wait really? I've never heard of that before. Which ones can I get?"

"Only the glazed ones."

"Huh?" You mean, all the other ones you have to buy separately?"

"No, you can get a dozen of those if you'd like."

"I thought that's what I was ordering."

"Oh. I thought you were just getting a dozen glazed donuts. That's a different price. Sorry."

The customer was very polite, but now talking the way you would to a 5-yr-old. "That's okay. Let's start over."

She ordered her donuts and my turn came. I paid for my things without major incident, although I did put the extra juice back as to avoid any unnecessary difficulty. I didn't know, maybe the extra juice I really didn't need anyway would have made the ol' noggin blow!?

What a trip! I left the establishment and opened my breakfast. I was not surprised to find the third "special" worker (who was working the back toaster--toasters are hard!) had given me a sausage sandwich and not a veggie. And thankfully I did NOT find any body parts in my drink.

Usually bad service turns me away from an establishment. But, like Paris Hilton's New BFF and RuPaul's Drag Race, I'm more anxious than ever to go back and see what hot mess happens next time.

Awesome!